Ahhh, so here it finally is! What I’ve been waiting for ~ the New Years’ inspiration to kick in.
I’ve been really sick for the past week. In fact, my entire family has been too, and it has hit us all pretty hard. Other than just the general sense of feeling like absolute crap, the biggest issue for me through it all has been the complete lack of energy I’ve had, just sitting upright for more than a little while at a time has been a challenge. Laying around being bored, with a million thoughts running through your mind, and feeling too sick to do anything else is certainly not a good way to start off the new year with a positive attitude. And when you’re sick, there is a tendency to feel negative about everything anyway so many of those ‘million thoughts’ were mostly gloomy.
I feel like a broken record constantly mentioning how difficult the past few years have been for me, and I’m just so done with it all. I want my happy, joyful, positive attitude back, and I want it naow!
There is such a fine line between acknowledging and giving validation to all of the struggles, hurts, and sorrows you’ve gone through and just getting over it and getting on with things. On one hand, you can’t just skim right over it all and pretend like everything is all peachy because stuffing your problems never fixes them, they only build up, lurking just beneath the surface, and if they’re not dealt with they eventually pop up and affect other areas of your life. I’d rather give them the required attention now so that I can truly move on and be done with it. But on the other hand, geez how long does it take for crying out loud?!
In contemplating the new year, my thoughts and feelings have been all over the place ~ anywhere between hope and excitement to fear and trepidation. My natural tendency is usually to be optimistic and positive, but when I look at a few of the cold hard facts of the ‘reality’ of my situation, that optimism fades a bit.
I feel like I’m constantly at war with myself, wanting to be realistic and practical, but at the same time wanting to dream, wanting to imagine, wanting to believe in “happily ever after.” But I don’t like pretending. Keeping things real and being authentic is very important to me. If I’m not ‘feeling’ it, I’m not faking it.
I’ve mentioned many times before how thankfulness and gratitude are key to finding true happiness and I really believe that with all my heart. Of course it’s easy to live in an “attitude of gratitude” when things are going well, but it’s much more of a challenge when things are difficult. But it is possible to do, and to be authentic about it, because there is always something to find to be thankful for. Always.
I used to live in a sort of bubble. It was a wonderful bubble. I miss my bubble. I walked around every day and I was just… happy. The birds were always singing, the sun was always shining, I met each day with hopeful anticipation, deeply grateful for all of my blessings, always expecting good and wonderful things for my life, and do you know what? That’s exactly what I got. Not that everything was perfect, not by any means, but I was happy, it was all about my attitude, and it was about my faith and trust in God that no matter what happened everything was always working for my good. I want my bubble back.
So, yesterday was the first day I was finally feeling a tiny bit better and after being sick for a week I was really feeling the need to change my bedding. I have a bit of OCD about my bedding always needing to be fresh and clean so when I’ve been sick it’s even more of an issue. While I was doing the laundry, I sat with my sick daughter and my sick mother and watched a movie. The movie was called “Enchanted.” It’s just a silly little movie, I’ve seen it before, but as I sat there and watched it, I saw something new. It wasn’t the movie itself really, it was the thoughts it provoked. I hope I’m able to articulate those thoughts here…
Movies, or stories in general, have a way of getting inside of us and producing certain thoughts and feelings. I think what happens is, there are common or universal ideas that go deep down somewhere and we relate to them on some certain level. A particular story resonates with us, provokes feelings. Ah it’s wonderful. But then, then… reality. Oh reality. Sorry people, no dreaming, real life isn’t like this. This is just make believe, real life doesn’t work that way. Well why the heck not?! Seriously, why not? Why can’t real life be that way? Obviously the reasons that stories touch us the way they do is because deep inside of us we know that life is meant to be more than it is. There’s more to it than this ‘reality’ that we’ve been given.
Ya know… if there hadn’t been dreamers we wouldn’t have even half of what we do in the world today. Inventors, crazy people they are, dreamers. What if they let ‘reality’ hold them back? What if they had listened to all the naysayers telling them “that’s not realistic.” Why do we have to be realistic? Lets dream! Lets wish and imagine and hope and do what it is that we really long for!
A fellow blogger posted a TED video the other day of a young girl speaking on “What adults can learn from kids” and maybe it was the combination of that video mixed with the silly Enchanted movie that sparked all these thoughts. One of the things that I really loved that the little gal said was “In order to make anything a reality, you have to dream about it first. In many ways, our audacity to imagine helps push the boundaries of possibility.” Gosh, that’s good stuff right there! What an extraordinary kid! What is that quote… “out of the mouths of babes.” We lose something when we grow up. Something important. I want to be just like this little gal when I grow up.
Forget about resolutions, for New Years I want grab hold of my dreams and not be afraid to pursue them. I sort of have to figure them out first though, but then…