Play Me

Every morning I wake up with a song playing inside my head.  It’s always really random, sometimes it will be something I’ve been listening to a lot recently, and other times it could be a song I haven’t heard in ages.  I’m not sure if the dream I’m having right before I wake up is behind it or what, but it’s really interesting every morning to hear what my brain wakes me up with.

This morning it was…

I absolutely love this song, but I haven’t listened to it in a while as makes me feel a bit melancholy.  It has some very happy feelings attached to it, but also makes me feel sad at the same time.  I’m not sure why I woke up with it playing in my head this morning, but it put in me in a bit of a “mood.”  That’s the thing about music, it has such a powerful influence on ones mood.  Music also seems to have the magical ability to bring you right back to a particular time or place in your life.  It’s amazing really, all the memories and the emotions attached to those memories can be so vivid.  Certain smells can do that to me too sometimes.

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Anyway, I don’t know anyone else who wakes up every morning with music playing in their head, and it makes me curious as to why I do, but in the end I just chalk it up to one more thing about me that’s kinda weird.

I do love music though.  All sorts.  The only genres I don’t care for are rap and screamo, and I can only take country music in very small doses.  When listening to music, usually it’s the lyrics that affect me the most, but I love instrumental music equally as well, so lyrics aren’t the only determining factor.  Different music speaks to me at different times.  I would have an extremely difficult time trying to pick just one favorite style of music, band, or song, but I must say that the sound of an acoustic guitar is probably the sound that is most near and dear to my heart.  And now to get to the point of this post…

Many times while I’m listening to certain styles of music that have a strong acoustic guitar emphasis, I will hear this little quiet voice whispering to me that I need get back to playing my own guitar.

I got my guitar from an old boyfriend over 20 years ago, and immediately after receiving it I eagerly enrolled in classes and began learning how to play, it felt so unbelievably amazing to make music come from my fingertips!  I never really got that good at it, but I loved it.

Unfortunately, in the years since that time, my guitar has mostly sat untouched, collecting dust off in a corner somewhere.  Sometimes life dictates to us which things we have the time and energy for, and playing my guitar wasn’t one of them.  I always intended to get back to it, but never did.

Shortly after my divorce when my entire life began to become redefined, interestingly, wanting to play my guitar again was one of the things that I found was at the heart of me.  There’s something deep down inside of me that I can’t quite explain that feels so strongly about playing guitar.  And to write songs.  At a time when everything else in my life was up in the air, learning to play my guitar again seemed like such an insignificant thing care about or pursue.  Finding a job and figuring out a career path should be at the top of the priority list.  But with my sensing no direction to take in that regard, I just had to follow what other leadings that I did sense, even the small and seemingly insignificant ones.

So I began taking steps toward attending to my poor neglected guitar.  I got her all cleaned up and repaired her long since broken tuning peg, bought some new strings, and a new electronic tuning gadget.  But after all that, I found that I didn’t remember even one stinkin’ chord, so I went out and bought a lesson book that came with a DVD to try and refresh myself.

But sadly, when I finally sat down and got to it, I discovered that age had now somewhat limited my fingers/wrist’s flexibility and I couldn’t comfortably reach around the neck to push down hard enough on the strings to play the chords.  All that came out was a horrible buzzing sound.  I kept at it for several days, but finding it too difficult, frustrating, and painful, I gave up on it in a fit of tears.  Of course I knew that I had other emotions going on that were playing into it all and were making me feel even more exasperated, but I had lost heart and gave up.

But I can’t seem to escape the drawing, the deep longing and desire to play my guitar.  And every time I hear certain music or sometimes when I’m just thinking about my life, I feel so strongly like it’s something I’m supposed to be doing.  So I’m going to give it another go.

Amidst all of the remodeling projects and things to do in and around my mom’s house, job searching, gardening, writing, trying to mend my broken heart, and just trying to figure out my life, I’m going start playing my guitar again.  And I’m going to try really hard to not give up this time because it’s been made pretty clear to me time and time again when I listen to that quiet whisper deep down inside of me, that it’s something I’m supposed to do.

I think I might go out and buy her a new stand.

Or maybe a new case would be best.  Can you say… achoo!?  Sad.  And embarrassing, but I really hate dusting, what can I say?  😉

Okay girl, I’ll try and play you again.  ♥  And maybe we’ll make some beautiful music together.  Now lets get you dusted off…

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