I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of soul mates. Several different life events, things I’ve read, and even movies I’ve watched have sparked a deeper contemplation on the subject.
And after all of that contemplation and wondering about it I still don’t really know what to think. But I like the idea of it.
I’m a die hard romantic and dreamer at heart, but I also have a practical, logical side to me as well, so those two extremes are always battling it out and waging a war in my mind about all sorts of life’s questions. There is a part of me that desperately wants and needs to know the answers, but the other part says “Hush now, you don’t have to have it all figured out, just live and enjoy the moment.”
At my core I’m predominantly a very spiritual person so I have a tendency to over spiritualize everything. There is even an ongoing inside joke that I have with my sister about it. But I can’t help it, when it comes down to it, I just truly believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience in this world and so everything that happens in our lives has spiritual significance.
I realize that people have all differing thoughts and beliefs on matters of spirituality, and I’m not wanting to debate about any of that right now, I only bring it up in reference to the idea of soul mates.
When I met and married my former husband, I never really felt that he was my “soul mate” so to speak, but at the time I sincerely felt that he was the one, and I have zero doubt that relationship was “meant to be.” There is simply no other way to look at it. Do I have regrets? Heck yeah. Did I make mistakes? You know it. But in the end, everything that happens to us, every choice we make, plays a part in the grand scheme of our lives. We experience and learn and grow and become. I had intended on spending my entire life with that man, I had made a vow and a commitment to him and I loved him, but after 20 years he decided to leave. I’ll refrain from sharing all the gory details and my various speculations of the reasons for that, and simply conclude that something major was missing in that relationship, and I believe it was that deeper sense of intimacy, that soul type of connection with each other.
I know that sometimes people just aren’t really able to let others in, to freely give of themselves, to fully open up and allow another person into that sacred part of themselves. We all have so many fears, insecurities, and inhibitions, and it’s hard to trust others with our innermost secrets. But we all long for that though, don’t we? To have an intimate and deeper connection with another person in that way, someone we can be our true self with, someone who fills that empty space ~ that other half of our self. Unless I’m the only one…?
Maybe I’ve been pre-programed somewhere along the way to believe I’m not already complete within my own self, that I need another, a mate, to fill and complete me. My relationships with family and friends, my connections with other people, my pets, nature, various hobbies, activities and interests that I explore, all fill a part. And I know that ultimately my relationship with God should be the relationship to complete me. But I simply can’t deny there still seems to be something “missing” in my life. Is it my soul mate? Is there really such a thing? I hope so.
Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’ve read too many stories, watched too many movies. Maybe I’m just weird. Maybe I’ve had too much coffee. Maybe I shouldn’t even post this. Maybe I’ll delete it later. Maybe I’ll just head out to my garden now…