Soul Mates

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of soul mates.  Several different life events, things I’ve read, and even movies I’ve watched have sparked a deeper contemplation on the subject.

And after all of that contemplation and wondering about it I still don’t really know what to think.  But I like the idea of it.

I’m a die hard romantic and dreamer at heart, but I also have a practical, logical side to me as well, so those two extremes are always battling it out and waging a war in my mind about all sorts of life’s questions.  There is a part of me that desperately wants and needs to know the answers, but the other part says “Hush now, you don’t have to have it all figured out, just live and enjoy the moment.”

At my core I’m predominantly a very spiritual person so I have a tendency to over spiritualize everything.  There is even an ongoing inside joke that I have with my sister about it.  But I can’t help it, when it comes down to it, I just truly believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience in this world and so everything that happens in our lives has spiritual significance.

I realize that people have all differing thoughts and beliefs on matters of spirituality, and I’m not wanting to debate about any of that right now, I only bring it up in reference to the idea of soul mates.

When I met and married my former husband, I never really felt that he was my “soul mate” so to speak, but at the time I sincerely felt that he was the one, and I have zero doubt that relationship was “meant to be.”  There is simply no other way to look at it.  Do I have regrets?  Heck yeah.  Did I make mistakes?  You know it.   But in the end, everything that happens to us, every choice we make, plays a part in the grand scheme of our lives.  We experience and learn and grow and become.  I had intended on spending my entire life with that man, I had made a vow and a commitment to him and I loved him, but after 20 years he decided to leave.  I’ll refrain from sharing all the gory details and my various speculations of the reasons for that, and simply conclude that something major was missing in that relationship, and I believe it was that deeper sense of intimacy, that soul type of connection with each other.

I know that sometimes people just aren’t really able to let others in, to freely give of themselves, to fully open up and allow another person into that sacred part of themselves.  We all have so many fears, insecurities, and inhibitions, and it’s hard to trust others with our innermost secrets.  But we all long for that though, don’t we?  To have an intimate and deeper connection with another person in that way, someone we can be our true self with, someone who fills that empty space ~ that other half of our self.  Unless I’m the only one…?

Maybe I’ve been pre-programed somewhere along the way to believe I’m not already complete within my own self, that I need another, a mate, to fill and complete me.  My relationships with family and friends, my connections with other people, my pets, nature, various hobbies, activities and interests that I explore, all fill a part.   And I know that ultimately my relationship with God should be the relationship to complete me.  But I simply can’t deny there still seems to be something “missing” in my life.  Is it my soul mate?  Is there really such a thing?  I hope so.

Maybe I’m naive.  Maybe I’ve read too many stories, watched too many movies.  Maybe I’m just weird.  Maybe I’ve had too much coffee.  Maybe I shouldn’t even post this.  Maybe I’ll delete it later.  Maybe I’ll just head out to my garden now…

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15 responses to “Soul Mates

  1. It is naive, crazy, ludicrous, and just stupid; it is the muse of the silent lover within you bursting to write the fable upon the parchment of your moment among the universe….a desire to know love intimately and passionately has to be outside of the realms of sanity or it would just be another bike lane clearly outlined for all to follow who care to travel it’s path.

    Good post!

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  2. A great post, don’t delete it 🙂

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  3. Julie, I think you are so very wise to say that your “relationship with God should be the relationship to complete you.” No one can take that place since we’re all imperfect. I loved your post!

    Blessings ~ Wendy

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  4. I’m glad you didn’t delete the post because it’s a good one Jewels… It’s a deep subject and I believe there’s a soul mate out there for everyone… I hope you’re okay Jewels…x

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    • Thanks Chris, I’m glad you thought so. I only mentioned deleting it at the end there because I felt a bit exposed in sharing what I did, and was second guessing whether I should have. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m being too open about certain things, sharing my private thoughts out in cyber space for all to see, it makes me feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable, ya know? I hope you’re right in your belief that there is a soul mate out there for everyone, I would like to believe so too.x

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  5. Hi Julie, soul-mates is such an interesting topic! I don’t really think of wanting someone to make me whole as I think it can lead to such difficulties. Wouldn’t it be good to feel whole and then meet another who felt whole and fully explore from that place – not out of a need that could become desperate but out of pure giving and receiving, from a place of being ‘enough.’ This is something I’m going to write on one of these days at it is so important. I really loved reading your thoughts. xx

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    • Hi Ruth, Yes, I know exactly what you’re saying in “Wouldn’t it be good to feel whole and then meet another who felt whole and fully explore from that place – not out of a need that could become desperate but out of pure giving and receiving, from a place of being ‘enough.’” I agree wholeheartedly, that would definitely be the perfect scenario. And I feel very strongly that one must be in a healthy place within themselves before they’ll have much of anything to bring into a relationship. That being said, I also sort of feel that “soul mates” (if there really is such a thing) would transcend some of that. There’s also something fanciful about being on the journey of discovery of all life has to offer with another walking next to you along the path. ♥ I look forward to reading more of your thoughts in the future when “one of these days” you write on it. 🙂 x

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      • Julie, I still love the idea of soul mates too! Even if we’re not full sure what it means 🙂 Have you come across the words in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ on soul mates? Very interesting I thought when I read it. I’ll quote them here if you haven’t come across them. 🙂

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      • I saw the movie “Eat, Pray Love” shortly after my divorce a few years ago, and it’s funny you mention a quote from it because I specifically remember that it had a number of great quotes. I even re-round and paused during the movie so I could write them down (drove my daughter crazy, but she understood). Of course, I have no idea where I put the sheet of paper and don’t remember the quotes, only that they were great little nuggets of wisdom. I would love for you to share them here if you have them on hand…

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  6. At last Julie, here I am!

    To set the scene: Elizabeth is talking to a wise chap about her love for her previous partner and how she can’t get over him, she says she believes he was her soul mate. Cue the quote:

    “He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.”

    (It’s page 157 and the book is really well worth a read as it’s heaps better than the film, I think!) Interesting thoughts eh 🙂 xx

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    • What a great quote and interesting perspective on the idea of soul mates Ruth, thanks so much for sharing it! Yes, the books are always better than the movies aren’t they? I definitely may have to give this a read.x

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