I awoke this morning feeling very unsettled. Almost instantly, my mind began swimming around in the thick murky waters of worry and dread. This doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
As I went through the motions of my regular waking routine – put coffee on, feed cats etc., I could feel my thoughts going over to the ‘dark side of the force,’ churning and mulling over all of the ‘what if’ scenarios of calamity and destruction. Like I said, this doesn’t happen very often, I normally wake up feeling quite peaceful and content, so that was a bit alarming to me too because it made me wonder if maybe I was psychically picking up on some real and actual impending doom – I’m forever over-spiritualizing everything. But then rationality kicked in and I was able to calm myself.
I took a deep breath, poured my coffee, and headed back into my bedroom for my other ‘regular waking routine.’ I don’t know if I’ve shared this here before, but every morning shortly after I wake up, I spend about an hour in prayer and meditation. The first thing I do is light an incense match, and as it burns, I speak only of all of the things that I am thankful for. Then I take it one step further and write down one of those things in a special journal I have. And I meditate on that one thing, breathing in and out, allowing that full sense of gratitude to wash over me. Then I spend some time just looking out the window, watching the sun come up while I’m sipping on my coffee. Then I pray, and listen. I also spend time reading out of a little daily devotional book entitled “Jesus Calling,” it’s sooooo good, and it sets me exactly right every time. Interestingly, I happened to read the wrong day’s meditation today, but it was so spot on with what was happening with my thoughts earlier this morning, the first sentence said… “Trust and thankfulness will get you safely through this day…” The thankfulness part is no problem, but sometimes I struggle a bit with the trust part.
What was happening with my thoughts when I first awoke was that I was worrying about the future. Something had happened the night before that frightened me a bit, and I was getting all up in my head about all of the potential ‘what ifs’ of the future. Look out, it’s a trap! Staying in the present moment is so key, and I know this, I practice this, but I still find myself going around and around in my head about things sometimes. The reason it’s so key for me to stay in the present moment is because that is where I find, well, sooo many things, but here today it’s where I find the ‘trust’ part – when I focus on the present moment, I see that all is well. All. Truly. Is. Well. So I don’t need to worry. And tomorrow… well, tomorrow isn’t come yet. “Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.”
All I have
to worry about is today, right now, this moment, and in this moment, I’m okay.
This is what I wrote in my gratitude journal this morning…
Today I am thankful for this present moment…
for the deep dark blue color that the sky is right now in this moment, and how beautiful it looks against the bare branches of my tree
for the rich flavor of my coffee
the warmth of the candle that is lit next to me, and its soothing light
for the sound of crows I can hear faintly cawing somewhere off in the distance
and the aroma of the incense I just burned a moment ago.
I’m thankful that in this present moment all is well
I am sheltered
I am fed
I am clothed
all of my five senses are functioning properly
and I am well.
In this present moment
and in the moments that have just passed as I wrote these words
I have everything I need
and so much more.
I have peace.
© Julie Rehnelt 2015
And I have pretty frost on my windows.
✿~Peace & Love~✿