Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day today here in the US, and as I no longer have my Dad here with me, I’ve spent the morning looking through photographs of him… Shedding a few tears, but also smiling to myself, just as it often is when reminiscing… So many precious memories stored up inside the heart.

I’ve gathered some of my favorites from the pictures I looked through this morning, and thought I’d share them.

Some oldies…

 

This is one of the earliest photos we have of my Dad.  My Mom says he was only a teenager of maybe 17 at the time.  I love the way he is standing on the bumper and leaning against the hood of this old car…

And here he is on the back porch of this house when he was over here one day visiting my Mom back when they were dating.  He looks so handsome, my Dad had such a great smile…

Another one with his shirt off, I call this one his Superman picture.  I wish we had a better copy of it, it’s so worn and wrinkled, my Mom carried it in her wallet, I think.  I can see why… yowza!

And I adore this one of my parents having dinner here at the house after they got married…

~

But as much as I love those old pictures of my Dad, these are how I remember him…

I know I’ve shared this before, it’s my all-time favorite picture of him from a day we all spent up at Lake Superior.  That’s my daughter in the background, just a little one back then, precious memories of a lovely day…

And I’m sure I’ve shared this one before too, it’s another one of my favorites because I love how his hair matches the snow.  His hair started turning white when he was pretty young (you can see streaks of it in the Superman photo).  Gosh, my Dad had such a gorgeous head of hair…

And here’s my Dad out in front of our house on his bicycle.  He loved riding his bike, and rode it nearly every day when weather permitted…

And when he wasn’t out riding his bike he was relaxing in his chair…

This next photo of my Dad with my Daughter at her graduation in 2010 is so very precious to me.  Although, it also makes me a bit sad too, because it clearly shows his health was declining.  My dad was such a wonderful Grandpa to my daughter, always there through all the special moments in her life.

This one makes me sad too because he’s waving, it makes my heart ache, wish I could give him a hug.  I miss you Papa, hope I see you again one day…

May the angels watch over you until then…

❤

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Remembering My Papa

It’s Father’s Day this Sunday and I’ve got my Papa on my mind.

The 26th of this month will mark the 2 year anniversary of losing him, and although I don’t want focus on his death, it’s hard not to think about it when the date rolls around, and that last Father’s Day we had him with us is really etched in my memory because he passed away the following Sunday.

He was in hospice care here at home, and we had recently needed to bring him downstairs (out of his bedroom) to be in a hospital type bed so that we could better tend to his needs as his health was declining.   He was having more and more times of being pretty much out of it because of the increasing doses of morphine he was on to help ease his pain, so it was far from Father’s Day as usual.

It hadn’t been planned, but a nurse came by that day to give him a sponge bath.  Although he had his eyes closed the majority of the time, I could tell he was enjoying it, especially while she was washing his hair.  It always feels good to be clean and freshen up a bit no matter what condition we’re in, doesn’t it?  God bless hospice workers…

My sis had taught my daughter how to operate my Dad’s lawn mower, so she mowed the lawn for her Grandpa for Father’s Day.  And even though he couldn’t say so, I know he appreciated it.  She mowed the lawn here just yesterday and it really brought back those memories.

Living here now with my mom there are regular reminders of my Dad all the time, and we take those moments as they come.  Sometimes it’s completely out of the blue that we’ll find ourselves sobbing at something random and missing him, and sometimes it’s more intentional.  Like I intentionally brought in some Lily of the Valley from the yard when they were blooming earlier this spring and placed them near his urn.  They were in bloom right around the time that he went into hospice and I would come by every day and bring some in to him.  I remember him holding them up to his nose and inhaling their lovely scent and the look on his face.  You know, sometimes there’s not much you can do for people when they’re suffering, and everything seems so empty and useless, but I do think that smelling those Lily of the Valley brought some joy to my Dad even in his difficult situation, and I’m glad I was able to do even just that small gesture for him.  ♥

I never took the opportunity to have a serious talk with him about life and death and such things while he was dying, and I regret that a bit now, but I wanted to be a joy to him at the time and not make him have to talk about the heavy stuff.  Although, I did tell him he needn’t worry about my mom because I would see to it that she was taken care of.  To which he scoffed and said “you don’t have a pot to piss in, how are you going to take care of mom?”  I had just recently lost everything; my marriage, my house, my job, the majority of my belongings, and it was true I didn’t have a “pot to piss in” (hah, my dad and his expressions), but I meant I’d take care of her in more than just a financial way.  And I believe I have done that.  Told you I would, Pops.  😉

I don’t know where my Dad is now, but I like to think that he’s somehow aware of everything I’m doing here and that it pleases him in some way.  My Dad wasn’t a perfect man or Father, far from it, but he was mine, and I wouldn’t have wanted any other.

I miss him so much.

This Father’s Day I have plans to get his stereo system all set up.  When my daughter and I moved in, my Dad’s stereo got moved to another spot in the living room and I haven’t yet gotten to the task of hooking it all back up again.  It’s farther away from the speakers than it was before so I may have to run out and get some speaker wire, but hopefully I can get it all hooked up by Sunday.

My thought in doing this is to have the stereo on all day continuously playing some of my Dad’s favorite music.  I think that’s a wonderful way to honor him and keep the day alive with his spirit for Father’s Day.

The music of Henry Mancini reminds me of him the most, and this song in particular…

~

♥♥♥

Gotta Have My Pops

“Gotta have my pops” is an old slogan from the 80’s from a commercial for Corn Pops cereal, but right now the pops I gotta have isn’t cereal… it’s my actual Pops, my Dad.

Only thing is… I can’t have my Pops.  He passed away last June.  This is my first Father’s Day without him.

If he were still here he’d be acting all grumpy about Father’s Day because he wouldn’t like all the attention and fuss (but it would only be acting because even though it made him a little uncomfortable… he secretly liked all the lovins).  He’d let us kids come over and visit him for a little while and do the Father’s Day thing, and then he’d shoo us away so he could watch TV.  But I wouldn’t buy it and I’d stay, because I’m the youngest and a little pest, and I’m a rebel and don’t obey my parents.  😉

Gosh I miss him.  My world has been so different without my Papa in it.  It’s been a huge adjustment for my whole family, especially for my mom.  But we are managing.  What else can ya do except deal as best as ya can?

On his birthday last December I wrote up a post about my Dad ~ Reflections of my Pops where I shared a bunch of favorite photos and things about him, and for Father’s Day I am copying and pasting the majority of that post onto this one.  So for those of you who have been following my blog for a while and have already seen it, please forgive the repeat…

~

Below is one of my all-time favorite photos of my Dad.  It was a beautiful, perfect, summer day spent at my favorite place in Minnesota ~ Lake Superior.  Dad was skipping rocks when my mom snapped this photo of him.  The entire shoreline is littered with them, as you can see.  And that’s my daughter in the background wading in the water.  She’s 20 now so this photo is from quite a while ago, but I still remember the day.  It was a good day.  A happy time.  And my Dad looks handsome.  ♥

~

Where as the above photo was of my Dad on a warm summer day…. here is one taken during the glory of winter.  It’s also one of my favorite photos of him.  One thing about living in Minnesnowta is it SNOWS.  Sometimes a lot!  And my Dad always took such good care of clearing his walkways whenever it snowed.  He was actually quite the “ants in his pants” about it!  His hair matches the snow.  ♥   He had such a gorgeous head of hair…~

Omygosh if there is one thing I’ll always remember the most about my Dad… it’s that he LOVED riding bicycle!  He would ride miles and miles a day, all around the city ~  through downtown Minneapolis along Nicollet Avenue.  He was a common fixture around town riding his bike and people even recognized him.  He was a friendly fellow with a bright, wonderful smile.  ♥~

He’s not exactly “smiling” here, but I adore this silly expression on his face!  This picture was taken on one of his birthdays some years ago.  Clearly he is being silly about the new hat and gloves he received.  And see how he’s in his pajamas?  That is another thing about my Dad ~ whenever he was at home and not planning on going out anywhere, he was always in his jammies.  As my Mom and I were going through some of his things a while back, I asked for a couple sets of his jammies that we came across.  I’m wearing them as I write this.  ♥~

Here is another precious photo.  This was taken at my daughter’s graduation in 2010.  My Dad was very involved in my daughter’s life.  He was such a good Papa.  Over the years as she was growing up, he rarely missed a program, concert or recital of hers.  ♥~

I love this one of my adorable parents being cute and cozy on my brother’s couch.  They were married for 52 years.  ♥~

If I had a halfway decent recent photo of my Dad and I together, I would post it next, but I don’t, so this one will have to do.  It’s from another Duluth/Lake Superior trip  The little boy in it with us is my punk nephew.  I could have cropped him out to make it a photo of just me and my Pops, but when I did that and used it as my Facebook profile picture, my nephew cried foul so I left him in this time.  😉~

Thanks for letting me share a bit about my Pops on this Father’s Day.  I love him and miss him more than I can say..

♥ ♥ ♥

Countdown to Christmas

Six days until Christmas… Are you ready?

I’m not sure if I am or not.  I mean… The tree is up.  I’ve got all my gifts bought and wrapped.  I’ve “decked the halls” and decorated my apartment.  “The stockings are hung by the chimney with care” ~ or by the window (if only I still had a fireplace).  And baking is on the agenda starting tomorrow, so it would appear that I am ready.  But…

Even though I’ve been doing my best to be in the Christmas spirit, this year it’s been more than a bit of a challenge for me.  For multiple reasons.

First and foremost is feeling the loss of my Pops.  He passed away this past June and this will be our first Christmas without him.  I think it will hit us all the hardest as we gather at my parent’s house on Christmas Eve.  On Thanksgiving his empty place at the dinner table was like a gaping hole, and not having him sitting there in his recliner on Christmas Eve will definitely instill a profound sense of loss in all of us.  I am dreading it.  It’s hard to know how much to allow yourself to feel.  Because it hurts so much, part of me wants to put up a wall of protection around my heart and try to pretend like nothing is different or out of place.  But I know if I do that then I will not be honoring my Dad’s memory or being true to myself.  I think I’ll just try not to plan too far ahead what I’ll do/feel and just go with the flow ~ let the emotions come as they may.  And… I will focus on the dear and precious loved ones that are still here with me and treasure the gift of their presence.  We’re all in this together and we’ll get through it.

A photo of my Dad from Christmas past.  Whenever I would ask him what he wanted for Christmas he always said “money.”  Well that’s boring.  So one year I decided to get creative with the method in which I gave him his money.   I made him a money tree because I wanted to show him that “hey Dad, guess what?  Money really does grow on trees!”  😉   And then I folded some money into the shape of a shirt because the cliche’ is that’s what you give Dads for Christmas (or socks or a tie teehee!).  Then there was also a little box that was a puzzle he had to figure out before he could get to the money inside.  Because as every kid knows… Christmas presents are all about the toys, I had to make it fun!  I put a $50 bill in it so he was pretty motivated to get it open, but it took him quite a while to figure it out.  Happy memories.   ❤

Another thing affecting my Christmas spirit at the current moment is our lack of snow here in Minnesnowta.  It’s interesting how not having that fluffy white stuff on the ground can affect your Christmas spirit.  Although I think it’s pretty, I’m not necessarily a huge fan of snow in general ~ it’s cold, hard work shoveling it, and dangerous to drive in.  Last year we got so much snow dumped on us here that it was ridiculous, but i neeeed it for Christmas!  I don’t need that much, just a little to make it festive for Christmas.

“I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” so I say… “Let it Snow” and I’ll be “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” and find “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas” and think “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and then maybe I’ll “Have Myself a Merry Little Christmas.”  Yeah, lets see how many Christmas carols I can fit into one thought…  😉  Hey I’m just attempting to muster up some Christmas spirit!

I came across this video about Christmas spirit the other day.  Call me weird, but I can’t help it… I find nigahiga hilarious!

I guess everyone has a different idea of what Christmas spirit is.  And maybe we tend to put a little too much hype and expectation into it all.  There is just so much that surrounds Christmas time.  And depending on your own personal beliefs there may even be multiple holidays going on here simultaneously which adds even more to it all…

Well, as the countdown continues to click away the days, hours & minutes until Christmas, I’ll just keep doing my best to try to be festive and keep in mind how blessed I am ~ even when things are difficult.

And I’ll pray for snow…

😀

Reflections of my Pops

Today would have been my Dad’s 83rd birthday…

We lost him to cancer this past June.  Hardest thing ever ~ watching him die.  Cancer is a horrible, evil and painful disease.  What my entire family went through during that time will be forever etched in our memories.

But rather than focus on his death and the terrible sense of loss that goes along with it, I want to focus on my Dad’s life, so here are a few reflections of my Pops…

~

This is one of my all-time favorite photos of him.  It was a beautiful, perfect, summer day spent at my favorite place in Minnesota ~ Lake Superior.  Dad was skipping rocks.  The entire shoreline is littered with them, as you can see.  And that’s my daughter in the background wading in the water.  She’s 19 now so this photo is from quite a while ago, but I still remember the day.  It was a good day.  A happy time.  And my Dad looks handsome.  ♥~

Where as the above photo was of my Dad on a warm summer day…. here is one taken during the glory of winter.  It’s also one of my favorite photos of him.  One thing about living in Minnesnowta is it SNOWS.  Sometimes a lot!  And my Dad always took such good care of clearing his walkways whenever it snowed.  He was actually quite the “ants in his pants” about it!  His hair matches the snow.  ♥   He had such a gorgeous head of hair…~

Omygosh if there is one thing I’ll always remember the most about my Dad… it’s that he LOVED riding bicycle!  He would ride miles and miles a day, all around the city ~  through downtown Minneapolis along Nicollet Avenue.  He was a common fixture around town riding his bike and people even recognized him.  He was a friendly fellow with a bright, wonderful smile.  ♥~

He’s not exactly “smiling” here, but I adore this silly expression on his face!  This picture was taken on one of his birthdays some years ago.  Clearly he is being silly about the new hat and gloves he received.  And see how he’s in his pajamas?  That is another thing about my Dad ~ whenever he was at home and not planning on going out anywhere, he was always in his jammies.  As my Mom and I were going through some of his things a few months ago, I asked for a couple sets of his jammies that we came across.  I’m wearing them as I write this.  ♥~

Here is another precious photo.  This was taken at my daughter’s graduation in 2010.  My Dad was very involved in my daughter’s life.  He was such a good Papa.  Over the years as she was growing up, he rarely missed a program, concert or recital of hers.  ♥~

My adorable parents being cute and cozy on my brother’s couch.  They were married for 52 years.  ♥~

As this is our first year without him on his birthday, we were talking about what ~ if anything, we should do to remember him today.  I thought it’d be nice to have a ham dinner because my Dad loved ham.  Ew… ham = definitely not one of my faves, but I’d be willing to suffer through it in honor of him.  🙂  But after going over it with my Mom the other day, we decided on White Castles.  Yep, good ol’ gut bombs, as we call them.  As a young child, some of my earliest memories of times/activities spent being with my Dad are of going to White Castle and then to the park afterward to feed the squirrels.  So I can’t think of anything I’d like more than to go get some gut bombs in honor of my Dad’s birthday.  Haha!  I’ll probably regret it later!~

Thank you for joining me here during my reflections of my Pops today.  I have one more thing to share.  It may seem out of place among the warm and fuzzy above dialog, but trust me …it isn’t.  My Dad was a sci fi freak!  Growing up, we were inundated with all things sci fi and it has stuck with us.  Thanks Pops, for making us freaks too…  😀

 

Cherish every moment that you have with the ones you love ♥