Tag Archives: emotions

Talkative Tuesday

So, you guys know how I said that I haven’t been feeling very wordy lately?  Well, I think that is about to change today…

Don’t you miss the good old days when I first started this blog when I used to actually ‘ramble’ on Ramblings’ from Jewels?  Or maybe you don’t haha!

Life is ever-evolving and I just try to go with the flow of whatever I’m feeling or thinking, or not.  One thing I always want this space to be is one of hope and joy and beauty.  I always want the energy I send out into the world through my blog, to be of benefit to others in some way, so I’m selective sometimes about what I choose to share.

When I write my poetry – or whatever you call it, I usually like to use the least amount of words to try to convey the deeper feelings and meanings, and my aim is to always be authentic and true to myself.  When I’m feeling despair or sadness, I tend to hold back sharing because I don’t want that emotion to trickle down onto to anyone else.  But sometimes if the words are still beautiful I might share.

But anyway, getting to the point…  Today I’m feeling very wordy and not feeling like being particularly careful about what I have to say. So here I go…

I had an old acquaintance message me this morning on Facebook asking how I’m doing.  It was very nice of her to check in.  However, she happened to catch me just as I had come back into the house after going out to investigate what the trash/debris was that I saw out on my side-yard from my kitchen window.  Do you guys want to know what it was?  Well, I’m going to tell you anyways…  it was a pair of soiled men’s briefs along with a huge wad of gas station paper towels all covered in feces.  Yep.

Well, hey, accidents happen, right?  I can’t think too harshly toward the person who left it there, right?  I should probably feel sorry for them, right?  I mean, it’s no pleasant thing to shit yourself, poor guy, right?  But when you add it to everything else that’s been going on lately – and there’s been a lot, mind you, that’s been going on around here, it set off a chain of rambling to this poor unsuspecting acquaintance who was just checking in to ask “How’s life been treating you?”  Well, like shit, actually, and quite literally, at the moment ha!

Yesterday, I placed an online order for my annuals and some of my herbs and veggies for my garden.  I’m so thankful for the garden centers offering curbside pick-up.  But it was hard, I had to let go and release of bit control, in not being the one to individually pick out each plant myself – and there were some scraggly and lesser quality plants that they had selected.  But I will give them the TLC I give all of my garden and will hopefully nurse them back to good health.  But I only mention that to tell you about what I discovered when I went out to my car to head out to pick up my order…  Someone had broken into my car.  And they had rifled through the glove-box and then left it open, so my car battery was dead.  Nice.  Thankfully, a good friend who lives nearby was able to come over and give me a jump.  The only funny part is that all they stole were some old CD’s out of my center console that were Christian Punk Rock music from like the 90’s haha!  My daughter used to listen to them in the car when she was in like 6th grade.  She’s 28. Yeah, I don’t know why those were still in my car…?  But haha thieves, have fun with those CD’s, I’m sure they’re worth a lot.  Not.  I’m just glad they didn’t find the stash of quarters I have hidden in a ‘secret’ compartment – there’s like 10 whole dollars in there!

The day before yesterday, I went down to my basement to get something and discovered the floor all around my washer and dryer covered in 2 inches of thick, gooey liquid.  Apparently, our giant industrial-sized jug of liquid laundry detergent had somehow fallen off the edge of the dryer and exploded all over onto the floor.  What a sticky, icky mess!  Not easy to clean up.  At all.  Luckily we had some dirty laundry in the clothes hamper down there that we could use to sop it up with.  But each load had to be run through the wash cycle 3 – 4 times to get all the detergent out and it still reeks of detergent.  It makes me wonder how ‘clean’ laundry really actually gets…

A few days before that, I was sitting up in my room having my morning coffee when I heard a noise below my window, like a crackling.  When I looked out I saw a guy taking off on his bike with a huge handful of branches from my rhododendron.  And when I went out to check on it I found a GAPING hole right smack in the middle of my bush.  Remember that ‘rather unsightly hole’ I mentioned in my last post?  Well, you don’t want to see it now – completely butchered.  Couldn’t the guy had taken some from one of the sides, like, just wow dude. I was super pissed!  I planted that shrub for my parents 20+ years ago. It was especially disheartening for me because I’ve been waiting sooooo long for the blooming things to return, like it was as if my soul depended on it, and then someone comes along and destroys the one thing in my yard that’s blooming.  Thankfully, there are more blooming things now – my lilacs are just about to bloom, and it’s only the beginning of the season of blooming things.  I’m thinking I might hang some sort of shiny bauble or maybe hang some sweet sounding little chimes to help pretty-up and fill that gaping hole.

This rambling is getting pretty long.  If you’re still reading, I appreciate you ‘listening.’

You may have noticed that I haven’t even mentioned anything that is going on that is related to COVID-19. Ugh, I hate even typing it.  Since it all began, I have purposely not wanted to give it any space on my blog and purposely haven’t shared about any of the ways it has affected my life.  I don’t know, like as a protest against it or something?  Not that that makes any sense whatsoever.  I guess I figure there’s already plenty of stuff about it everywhere else and I’d rather have my blog be a place to get away from it for a moment.  But I know it helps people to talk about it too.  Ugh, I don’t know.

I will share that I lost my job back in the beginning of April.  It was supposed to just be a furlough, but they decided to let me and around 100 other county employees go instead.  I can’t tell you how sad I was, I really liked my job.  Thankfully, I am being financially provided for temporarily – that was touch and go for a while though, very stressful.  And I know I’m not alone in that.

I’ve been through a wide range of emotions and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but at the end of it all, the emotion I feel the most right now is gratitude.

I may have poopie pants on my lawn, thieves breaking into my car, a dead battery, butchered shrubs, gooey liquid all over the floor, and no job, but…

Me and mine are safe and healthy, and that’s all that really matters.

 

I hope you and yours are too.

Thanks for letting me ramble today, I told you I was feeling wordy.  I sincerely appreciate you all.

 

Flower for your thoughts…

 

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

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Spirals

In the garden of my mind

many thoughts intertwine

 

and in my heart emotions swirl

joys and sorrows all unfurl

 

The journey of change as life unfolds

leads me back to Source where peace flows

 

© Julie Rehnelt 2019

 

Just creating spirals with flowers in my garden while I work some things out…

Spending time in nature and being creative is always good for working things out, don’t you agree?!

 

Wishing you joy and beauty today!

 

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

Welcome June

Each morning as I sit down with my coffee and pick up my gratitude journal to write, the first thing I write down is the date.  Dates often evoke certain memories in me.  Does this ever happen to you?  Earlier this morning as I wrote June 1st, 2019, my first thought was “Welcome June!”  I love the beginning of a new month, and I love the month of June!

Here in Minnesota, June typically means that the danger of frost has indeed passed and gardening season truly gets underway.  The temps warm up, but it’s usually not quite up to the harsh heat and humidity of summer yet.  It’s like October in reverse, when the temps begin to cool, but not yet to the point of a hard frost and the days are still warm and sunny.  Not to mention, October is when the leaves start changing. Yep… October and June are my favorite months out of the year.  And September and May are close behind.  But sometimes September is still too hot and May is still too cold.  But May is a freaking bloomfest, so it’s okay that it’s still a bit cold.  I actually don’t mind the cold.  Maybe my favorite months are October and May, but I love June too.  Anyways, I’m rambling now…

Right after I had my “Welcome June!” thought, my very next thought was “June 3rd of this year would have been my 30th wedding anniversary.”  Ugh, didn’t want to go there.  Especially since I’m about to write in my gratitude journal.  But I decided to stop there and allow myself to ponder, to check in with myself and allow whatever emotions to arise.  Needless to say, there were a wide range of emotions, even with it being nearly 10 years since we split …

I’m not going to exhaust myself or bother you in relaying all of them, but I did want to share a text I got from my sister when I shared with her about it, because although it was just a simple thing she said, it felt quite profound to me and it was a good reminder.

Just for a bit of background… The 8:05 I have at the beginning of my text to her is a weird thing between my sister and I.  Usually it’s at 8:14 or 11:27 – our birthday dates that we’ll send a text to each other.  I don’t know why we do it, it’s just a thing we do if we happen to notice the time on the clock.  I almost always get a text from her at 8:14 in the morning, and you’ll notice her reply is at 8:15.  I guarantee you that she picked up her phone at 8:14 to text me, when she saw my text at 8:05 and then it took her a minute to type.  Speaking of the 8:05, once in a while we’ll still put the time at the beginning of other texts for no reason, just to be extra weird…

What I love the most is the end of her text – “Wait, it’s only June 1st, it sounds like you are in the past and the future at the same time… please join me in the present.”  Gosh you guys, how often do we do that?  Seriously!  Still!  Even though we know that the present is where to live and be.  I’m constantly grounding myself in the present moment.

But the mind… it’s always going isn’t it?  And we need our minds.  Haha oh God knows we do!  And I’m thankful for my mind.  I’m thankful it works properly.  And that is not to be taken for granted – some people’s minds don’t work properly, and they suffer so.  Sometimes we can cause ourselves a different type of suffering too, by allowing our minds to transport us into the past or the future and then lingering there too long.

Do you know what I’m realizing right now though that was kinda cool about all this too?  When I said that I allowed myself to ponder, to check in with myself and allow whatever emotions to arise… I was actually more of an observer this time.  And that’s the key!  I’ve heard/read many times that we should allow these things (our emotions/thoughts) to arise, but to be an observer of them.  And that is actually more of how this was.  I am not usually an observer of my emotions, I usually feel every. single. one.  Omygosh am I evolving?  Or maybe it was the text from my sister that snapped me out of it haha!  😉

When I came back to the present moment I noticed a Catbird mewing.  There is this one Catbird who always comes around and kinda sounds like its saying my name… “Jewy, Jewy.”  Sounds like Julie to me.  So then I sent this and my sister, who also has Catbirds at her place too…

I truly lol’d at that last bit!  For a good couple of minutes afterward too!  I love my sister’s sense of humor!  It matches my own!  I’m giggling now…

Maybe that can be a reminder… whenever I heard a Catbird saying my name I can check in with myself and make sure I’m staying in the present moment…

Birds all over the world are calling my name right now!  Hahahaha!

 

Welcome June!  🌼  Here’s to staying in the present…

 

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Because sometimes it’s the non-words that describe things the best…

 

I think we would all do well to make this sound more often about a good many things, don’t you?

“From the mouths of babes…”

🙂

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

These Tears

 

These tears

they keep falling

like the cold rain that weeps down my window pane 

from gloomy skies

are my eyes

as these tears

they keep falling

 

© Julie Rehnelt 2016

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~

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

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When It’s Time

 

Weary of feeling numb and void of creativity, I asked my sister

“When am I going to get my inspiration back?”

“When it’s time.  She answered  Perhaps tomorrow.”

My sister is so wise.

 

That must be why I try to be just like her…

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Matching shirts for Christmas!  😉

 

 

Thanks for the inspiration, sis!  ❤

And thank you to all of you for being on this journey with me…

 

Here’s to inspiration, and to tomorrow ~ Happy New Year!

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

Autumn Winds

 

The windy weather mirrors my windy emotions

As gale force winds blow outside, a tempest brews within

gusts of sadness sweep through my troubled heart

 

And like the colorful leaves that cling to tree branches in fall, not yet ready to let go

I can’t let go

no matter how strong the autumn winds may blow

 

© Julie Rehnelt 2015

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✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

Being Peace

 

“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.”

                                                                                                    ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

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~

 

Does it sound strange to say that I crave peace?  Like, isn’t ‘craving’ something in and of itself, sort of the complete opposite of being peaceful?  Leave it to me to be a contradiction.  😉

But I do – crave peace.  And I have peace, much of the time.  But sometimes life just heaps so much weight onto my shoulders, there’s so much required of me, so many things to do, so many people that need me, my knees begin to buckle under the strain, until finally, my strength gives out.  Splat, there I am sprawled out on the ground, I’m not any good to anyone like that am I?

I don’t do it on purpose, I just pick up things along the way.  And sometimes I let the people I love put things on me too, because they have needs and I want to help.  But the best way for me to truly help, is for me to first have peace within myself, because then I ‘can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in my family, my entire society, will benefit from my peace.’

And I know what I need to do to have that, I just get caught up in all the other stuff sometimes.  Well, that, and my erratic hormones.  Maybe it’s really balance that I crave.  😉

 

Wishing you a day of balance, a bit of what you crave, and lots of…

 

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

Wednesday Morning With Rumi

 

“Embrace sorrowful thoughts

for they sweep the house of your heart clean,

scatter the withered leaves, and pull out the twisted roots,

preparing the ground for the new shoots of joy.”

                                                                                                       ~ Rumi

 

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✿~Peace & Love~✿

Peace and Love 1

Sometimes Rain

 

Sometimes rain

 

Falls from the sky

and from my eyes

when heavy clouds lay low.

 

Sometimes rain

 

Pours down big drops

weighs down my thoughts

my petals bending so.

 

Sometimes rain

 

Goes on for days

the storms they rage

 and howling winds do blow.

 

Sometimes rain

 

Brings peace in grief

in the belief

that from it we will grow.

 

© Julie Rehnelt 2015

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And sometimes rain

looks pretty on our petals.

 

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~

 

 

✿~Peace & Love~✿

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