Tag Archives: Goals

New “Day’s” Resolution

Do you make New Year’s resolutions?  Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.  I find that I usually don’t do too well with them.  I go good for maybe a couple of months and then gradually fall into my old habits again.  Not that I really have any bad habits that need breaking, but there’s always room for improvement right?

I think what the problem is is that I’m not much for setting goals in general.  Now, before you judge me and label me lazy and aimless, let me try to explain…

First of all, my real “New Year” is on my birthday.  That’s the date on the calender I consider that a new year of life begins for me, and that is when I think about where I am and where I’m going; what changes I’d like to make in my life,  call them”goals” if you will, but I don’t really look at it that way.

People are all different and at different places in their journey, so it stands to reason that there are many different strategies that one can use for self-improvement.  For some, I suppose making New Year’s resolutions may be just the thing they need to spur them onto greater things, onto a better way of living and being.  But for me… I need a deeper meaning than just a date on the calender to motivate me and to help bring about real change in the areas of my life that need it.  Otherwise it just feels inauthentic.

Don’t get me wrong… a new calender year is a perfect time for reflection, for looking back, looking forward, and so on.  I am quite often aware of various dates on the calender throughout the year that hold special significance and cause me to contemplate things in my life, and New Year’s is no exception.

But I have found that I’ve been changing over the past few years in the way I think about things.  Maybe it’s because the rug of my entire world got pulled right out from under me in one big swoop, but I tend to now look at each new day as a new beginning, and I set out each day with “resolutions” of sorts.  Going too much further into the future just seems impractical to me.  We are not guaranteed a tomorrow; let alone a next week, next month, or next year.  All we truly have is today, right now, this moment.  We can make our plans, our “goals,” and some of them might succeed, but in the end we don’t really have any control over the outcomes.  We like to think we’re the masters of our own little mini universe of our lives, but the control we think we have is all just an illusion.

But I do have this moment, this day, right now, and I can make a “New Day’s Resolution” to live it in the best way I can.  And aside from all of the stuff in my life that I should consider changing (fill in the blank), as I simply purpose in my heart to live each new day with joy, with love and with gratitude, I truly believe all of those other things will fall in line.  Eventually.

I absolutely love this quote, it pretty much sums it up where I’m at right now…

“Waking up this morning, I smile:

Twenty-four brand-new hours are before me.

I vow to live each moment fully

and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

 ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

~

~

This is not all to say that I won’t still be waking up on New Year’s morning trying to start the new year out on a good foot.   😉

Peace & much Love to you all in the coming new year…

Hope 2013

Ahhh, so here it finally is!  What I’ve been waiting for ~ the New Years’ inspiration to kick in.

I’ve been really sick for the past week.  In fact, my entire family has been too, and it has hit us all pretty hard.  Other than just the general sense of feeling like absolute crap, the biggest issue for me through it all has been the complete lack of energy I’ve had, just sitting upright for more than a little while at a time has been a challenge.  Laying around being bored, with a million thoughts running through your mind, and feeling too sick to do anything else is certainly not a good way to start off the new year with a positive attitude.  And when you’re sick, there is a tendency to feel negative about everything anyway so many of those ‘million thoughts’ were mostly gloomy.

I feel like a broken record constantly mentioning how difficult the past few years have been for me, and I’m just so done with it all.  I want my happy, joyful, positive attitude back, and I want it naow!

There is such a fine line between acknowledging and giving validation to all of the struggles, hurts, and sorrows you’ve gone through and just getting over it and getting on with things.  On one hand, you can’t just skim right over it all and pretend like everything is all peachy because stuffing your problems never fixes them, they only build up, lurking just beneath the surface, and if they’re not dealt with they eventually pop up and affect other areas of your life.  I’d rather give them the required attention now so that I can truly move on and be done with it.  But on the other hand, geez how long does it take for crying out loud?!

In contemplating the new year, my thoughts and feelings have been all over the place ~ anywhere between hope and excitement to fear and trepidation.  My natural tendency is usually to be optimistic and positive, but when I look at a few of the cold hard facts of the ‘reality’ of my situation, that optimism fades a bit.

I feel like I’m constantly at war with myself, wanting to be realistic and practical, but at the same time wanting to dream, wanting to imagine, wanting to believe in “happily ever after.”  But I don’t like pretending.  Keeping things real and being authentic is very important to me.  If I’m not ‘feeling’ it, I’m not faking it.

I’ve mentioned many times before how thankfulness and gratitude are key to finding true happiness and I really believe that with all my heart.  Of course it’s easy to live in an “attitude of gratitude” when things are going well, but it’s much more of a challenge when things are difficult.  But it is possible to do, and to be authentic about it, because there is always something to find to be thankful for.  Always.

I used to live in a sort of bubble.  It was a wonderful bubble.  I miss my bubble.  I walked around every day and I was just… happy.  The birds were always singing, the sun was always shining, I met each day with hopeful anticipation, deeply grateful for all of my blessings, always expecting good and wonderful things for my life, and do you know what?  That’s exactly what I got.  Not that everything was perfect, not by any means, but I was happy, it was all about my attitude, and it was about my faith and trust in God that no matter what happened everything was always working for my good.  I want my bubble back.

So, yesterday was the first day I was finally feeling a tiny bit better and after being sick for a week I was really feeling the need to change my bedding.  I have a bit of OCD about my bedding always needing to be fresh and clean so when I’ve been sick it’s even more of an issue.  While I was doing the laundry, I sat with my sick daughter and my sick mother and watched a movie.  The movie was called “Enchanted.”  It’s just a silly little movie, I’ve seen it before, but as I sat there and watched it, I saw something new.  It wasn’t the movie itself really, it was the thoughts it provoked.  I hope I’m able to articulate those thoughts here…

Movies, or stories in general, have a way of getting inside of us and producing certain thoughts and feelings.  I think what happens is, there are common or universal ideas that go deep down somewhere and we relate to them on some certain level.  A particular story resonates with us, provokes feelings.  Ah it’s wonderful.  But then, then… reality.  Oh reality.  Sorry people, no dreaming, real life isn’t like this.  This is just make believe, real life doesn’t work that way.  Well why the heck not?!  Seriously, why not?  Why can’t real life be that way?  Obviously the reasons that stories touch us the way they do is because deep inside of us we know that life is meant to be more than it is.  There’s more to it than this ‘reality’ that we’ve been given.

Ya know… if there hadn’t been dreamers we wouldn’t have even half of what we do in the world today.  Inventors, crazy people they are, dreamers.  What if they let ‘reality’ hold them back?  What if they had listened to all the naysayers telling them “that’s not realistic.”  Why do we have to be realistic?  Lets dream!  Lets wish and imagine and hope and do what it is that we really long for!

A fellow blogger posted a TED video the other day of a young girl speaking on “What adults can learn from kids” and maybe it was the combination of that video mixed with the silly Enchanted movie that sparked all these thoughts.  One of the things that I really loved that the little gal said was  “In order to make anything a reality, you have to dream about it first.  In many ways, our audacity to imagine helps push the boundaries of possibility.”  Gosh, that’s good stuff right there!  What an extraordinary kid!  What is that quote… “out of the mouths of babes.”  We lose something when we grow up.  Something important.  I want to be just like this little gal when I grow up.

Forget about resolutions, for New Years I want grab hold of my dreams and not be afraid to pursue them.  I sort of have to figure them out first though, 😉 but then…

The future

~

Reflections & Resolutions

So a new year is right around the corner here and I’ve got a lot on my mind as it approaches.  Things past, things present, and things yet to come are all converging at once and simultaneously scrambling around in my head at the moment.  It’s gettin’ kinda crowded in there and I’m tempted to try and lock it all away behind a firewall of sorts somewhere within the depths of my brain.

Ordinarily I do more of a “New Year’s resolution” type thing around my birthday time.  I figure that’s really when a new year of my life begins ~ not the calendar year, but I still find myself contemplating life along with everyone else during this time of the year…

The past few years have been some of the most difficult of my life so far and there were times when I didn’t know how I was even going to continue on.  Hopeless, seemingly helpless, and dark times where it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But by living one moment at a time, simply concentrating on breathing in and out, and taking one step and then another, I got through it ~ along with a lot of support and encouragement from good friends and precious family, the companionship and comfort of my furry pets, and my faith in God.

~

But in just reflecting on the calendar year of 2011…

January began with the dissolution of my 21 year marriage as my divorce became final after over a year of horrendous upheaval and turmoil.  I know that divorce is common in our society these days, but what I went through was anything but “common” to me.  Such hurt, betrayal and regret.  I’m sure at some point I will blog about that whole process in more detail, but right now all I will say is that although my heart is still a bit bruised and battered ~ I am profoundly grateful to be free from that relationship.  And… that I’m doing okay.

In February I met someone new.  Yeah, I know… a month is hardly enough time to wait in between a tumultuous divorce and entering into a new relationship, but I didn’t mean for it to happen and believe me… I resisted.  But he was very persistent and before I knew it he had sneaked his way fully into my heart .  Also, I must confess that after feeling abandoned and discarded by my husband it just felt so darn good to be pursued and wanted.  And not only was this new guy the exact polar opposite of my ex, but he seemingly adored everything about me ~ even the things my ex had hated and complained about.  I fell hard.  Real hard.  And I am still not over the break-up of that relationship which was just this past October.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, my Dad passed away this past June after a valiant fight against colon cancer.  The pain and loss I have experienced through that and getting through the holidays has been especially difficult for me.

~

But now the holidays are over.  Well not quite… New Years is here now = reason for this post.

Ever since the realization of my impending divorce began, I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I didn’t have a career during my marriage because my focus was on raising our daughter, being a good wife, and taking care of my home.  I worked at my daughter’s school for 11 years and loved every minute of it.  Well… not every minute, but I enjoyed it very much and cherish the relationships I built during my time there.   It wasn’t just a job to me and I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  But in June of 2010, I was let go along with 20 or so other people as the school did some restructuring and cutting back.  So not only was I in the middle losing my marriage, but I had lost a job that I loved and a strong connection with a community that had grown to be like an extended family to me.

I knew in getting divorced that I was going to have to eventually find a different job that would support me financially, but I had also hoped that maybe I could stay working at the school and collect spousal maintenance until I figured out what to do next.  Maybe take some classes in this or that to try and rediscover my interests.  Up to that point my life had just been so wrapped up in being a wife and a mom that I hadn’t really given much thought to anything else.

Thankfully I am receiving some spousal maintenance, but the amount I’m getting will soon be drastically reduced and here I sit ~ jobless and still without a clue of which path to take.

So as this new year approaches I guess one of my top resolutions should/will be to really dig into the depths of my heart and mind and try and figure it all out huh?

That along with… eating healthier, taking better care of myself and a myriad of other things I want to change and/or improve in my life…  😉  I’m sure you can relate.

Out of curiosity I decided to Google the top ten new year’s resolutions and was not surprised to find they were:

1.  Spend more time with family & friends

2.  Make time for fitness

3.  Tame the bulge

4.  Quit smoking

5.  Enjoy life more

6.  Quit drinking

7.  Get out of debt

8.  Learn something new

9.  Help others

10.  Get organized

Sounds good to me.  And you know… 2012 is supposedly the end of the line, so we had better make the most of it!